Hi my lovelies,
So recently I have seen so many people share photos on social media of their post baby bodies and they are owning it. Thanks to Clemmie (mother of daughters) for inspiring us all to love our bodies in spite of what society said we should look like or what size we should be. In honour of this movement I thought I would share my own body journey with you all because it sure has been a rollercoaster journey.
So let’s start with my younger self. When I was younger I was tall and very slim, never really thought anything of it to be honest. As I grew into a teenager people kept telling me to enjoy my slimmer figure while I can because as you get older and have children it will all turn to s**t. Thanks to that not so nice comments and some other factors I then stopped eating, I became very thin, very ill and very depressed. I was thin but I wasn’t happy, when I did eat something my tummy would swell up to a balloon and cause so much pain and that would put me off eating again. This went on for years until one trip to the doctor where the doctor told me if I don’t eat I will not be able to have children because I am harming my body. This scared me so much because I wanted to have children eventually. So at a young age I moved in with my dad (my mum and separated when I was younger) and he taught me how to cook and helped me gradually start eating again, it was a slow tough process but I got to a healthier weight within a year.
When I fell pregnant with my first child I was still slim but my eating was a lot better. I struggled so much with sickness during the whole pregnancy which sucked but I kept going and going and I gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby girl. My body didn’t change too much, I had boobs for the first time which was great. I lost weight slowly by walking.
I fell pregnant very soon after having my first daughter. This pregnancy was so different, I still had weight on from the previous pregnancy so everything was still loose. I grew very big with my second child because my appetite was huge. Again I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl. I struggled losing weight the second time around but again gradually done it, with walking and going to 1 fitness class a week.
People expect you to lose your baby weight and spring back your pre pregnancy size but to be honest my size didn’t bother me to begin with. But then I was getting the dreaded are you pregnant? Question on a weekly basis from friends and family and I’m not going to lie its soul damaging. So thanks to the pressure to spring back I started dieting and exercising. I signed up to the gym and meal prepped etc. This was all fine and well it was a healthy change. The problem here is the number on the scale, it kept going down and down and it then became like an addiction I needed to see the numbers decreasing for me to feel happy. I was shrinking while still eating and I was getting compliments all the time about how much weight I had lost and how good I looked. Problem was I still wasn’t happy, I lost my boobs and felt driven to continue to get that numbers on the scale down.
During this time I read an article in a magazine about a woman who done body building, she put off having children to make a career in this business. She then got diagnosed with cancer and her story followed the journey of how she then couldn’t have children and all she wished she did before was have children instead of worrying so much on how she looked. Obviously this is horrible and I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone but it got me thinking. I have children and I was spending my days and nights exercising, I was eating different to them and even though they was young at the time they would eventually get to an age where they would ask why. I decided that I needed to slow down this determination of ‘perfection’ and really think of why and what I wanted for my body. I started eating more and stopped working out as much, I gained weight but I was ok with it. I chucked the scales out and decided to never use them again. I now go with how I feel in my clothes and I am happy with that.
Today I am a healthy weight and size that I am comfortable with, I have my days where I feel flabby and horrible but I’m only human. I walk and jog to workout, maybe do the odd class now and then and I like it that way. I eat all foods, I have takeaways but I also will cook a healthy meal from scratch. I think it’s all about balance. I enjoy more time with my kiddies because I am not at the gym every other night. I buy Krispy Kreme donuts without feeling guilty for eating them, it’s a nice treat for the family once in a while that we all enjoy together. I am now at a place of comfort and happiness.
Seeing everyone share their stories and photos really inspired me to share mine. I very rarely talk about it because to be honest most of it was horrible but without that experiences I wouldn’t be who I am today. I have fat, I have stretch marks, I have cellulite but I also have 2 beautiful healthy children that I carried in my body, I have the ability to run, walk and play with my children, I have life and no matter what size of clothes I wear or what the scales say as long as I can spend time running around & dancing with my children and be able to walk from A to B I count myself very lucky. I am all for healthy habits and healthy changes but I’m not for the pressure to be a certain weight or wear a certain size of clothes. I have 2 daughters and as they grow I fear the society they are growing into, so all I can do is make sure the home they grow up in tells them that it’s what’s inside that counts and be the mum that provides them with fun exercise, lots of nature time and a balanced diet full of yummy foods from all food groups and most of all my time.
Life is too short to stress about how much you weigh or what size you wear. I just wished I figured this out before now. Be healthy, yes. Be happy, yes. Be energetic, yes. But you also are allowed to be lazy & crappy at times. It’s life there is no right or wrong way. Do what is best for you and your family. Health is very important but so is living a fulfilling life without judgement and pressure to be a certain way.
Children or no children I think body confidence is a must, don’t let our society drag you down. Be the best beautiful you that you can possible be and own it!!
Thank you so much for reading. I will update this post with photo’s soon, I deleted a lot of my old photo’s that was during this time in my life. Please follow Clemmie @mother_of_daughters, she is truly inspiring in so many ways. Share your story, I would love to know. Lets make the society our children are growing up in a less pressurised one.
Love, Kimmy xoxo